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Given what’s going in with my dad, some of my coworkers have been surprised me to see me coming into work whenever I could this week and have encouraged me “not to bother.” But it’s really no bother at all. In fact, I wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t want and need to.

Right now, my dad is heavily medicated and sleeping most of the time simply because when he’s awake he’s in mental and physical agony. You can’t imagine what I’d give to have one more actual conversation with him. But any time we spend together now is not exactly quality time. He barely knows whether I’m there or not and every minute makes it a little bit harder for me to picture him ever having been alive and independent. I think he would benefit more now from an alert son who spends a few hours a day by his side than from one who’s exhausted from putting in twenty-four hours a day watching him sleep.

Maybe I’m rationalizing. Or selfish. I don’t know. But I do know that I very much need to spend a few hours every day feeling normal and trying to think about something–anything–else. I find that work is increasingly what I rely on in a crisis. The weekend after Mark and I split up I decided that it was the perfect time to do major surgery, including a WordPress upgrade, on every single one of my sites. Just as my mom was going into memory care last winter, I dived right into a major grant application. My house has never been cleaner and neater than it has for the past two years. In each of these cases–not to mention the current one and many others–I was confronted with a situation I felt I had no control over. Therefore I desperately needed something I could control–something I knew I could do well to make up for whatever failure or misfortune was tearing me apart.

I’m not the most together person on the planet but I’m smart enough to know that this works for me. And i have a sneaking suspicion that my dad would approve.

Another one of those Sunday nights when I find myself wondering where the hell my weekend went. Unfortunately there will probably be a lot of those over the next few months. All the same, I’m going to get away for a few days soon. Suggestions welcome. I’ll also be doing a conference presentation in DC in April and I’m pondering (not sure how seriously just yet) a trip to Seattle sometime this year. It’s been way too long.

Since I can’t (and probably shouldn’t) sell it right now, the thought occurs to me that I could save a fortune in housing and commuting costs by simply moving into my parents’ vacant house and putting mine back on the market–maybe a bit more aggressively.

The pros, of course, would be all the money I’d save on the mortgage once my own house was sold, and the fact that I’d no longer be commuting sixty miles a day. I’d save $150/month in gas alone. I could keep my house perpetually “staged” and ready to show on a moment’s notice. And I’d have that extra hour a day; that would be nice.

But there are cons as well. I don’t particularly like my parents’ house. I like my house much better, even if it is too big and in the wrong city. In fact, my love for it has been rekindled somewhat lately. My parents’ house is kind of awkward, needs a lot of work (can you say “deferred maintenance”?), and comes with a tremendous yard–a whole extra vacant lot next door, even. Frankly, all the memories associated with it over the past year or two sort of depress me. I’d feel I was giving up some of my privacy since my aunt lives next door. I’m also not sure if there would be any legal issues although that seems unlikely.

Of course, I could pay someone to deal with the yard (I already do that) and to do the repairs. I’m not really all that concerned about my aunt or my privacy (I rarely throw orgies these days) and it wouldn’t be permanent anyway. I have to take care of the house either way. The idea here would be to live in it until my mom needs the sale proceeds for her continuing care…or dies. At that point, I’d sell it and use all the money I’d saved on a place I liked better.

It’s not something I have to decide immediately but it is one of many things on my mind his week.

So this post can seem vaguely work-related (since…um…I’m at work) here’s a lovely picture of where my new office will be in May. Enjoy with me my view through the window of one of the oldest dorms still standing on the campus.

Now for stuff:

• I don’t really want to live in Montreal. It’s too cold and the politics are too complicated. That said, if I had a place in Habitat, I might consider it.
• Speaking of Canada, is it sad that I listen to so much Canadian radio that Sleep Country Canada is the first place I would go to look for a new bed?
• Also speaking of Canada (I do that a lot), you probably have Can-con regulations to thank for the fact that anyone still remembers (or plays) songs like this. But I love anyplace where people actually call in and request Martha and the Muffins.
• What is Frank Lloyd Wright’s relationship to Anne Baxter and Lincoln Logs? Read this and know the truth.
• The perils of historic preservation.
• Related to nothing above: I made a really good meatloaf Sunday night.

Now for more random photos:

Got to attend a presentation by the author of one of my favorite books last week. That was fun.

I’ve been a librarian for over three years but this was the first actual book display I’d ever helped with. My second-in-command (pictured above) gets most of the credit, though.

And now I’m off to a two-hour meeting that will no doubt be every bit as exciting as this post was…

Tuesday night on the couch:

• My doctor is very happy that there’s currently about eighteen percent less of me than there was six months ago. Blood pressure 103/68. Heart rate 63. All blood looking good too. I’m surprisingly healthy. But I had to laugh when he asked how my stress level had been for the past six months. Which is much better than crying…
• Were I (a) Jewish and (b) in Toronto, this would have been my seder choice. Actually, I probably would’ve done it despite my lack of religion.
• Good read. Not quite as good as I’d hoped but still very good.
• Next week I’ll be in DC doing a conference presentation inside the National Archives. That’s not nearly as glamorous as it sounds but at least I get to visit an old friend. And maybe even some snow–or so says The Weather Channel.
• Still haven’t decided where to live. Suggestions welcome. It’s a call I really need to make pretty soon.