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2021

Silver anniversary

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1996. Damn, was I ever really that young?

I thought about letting this post be my farewell to a site that’s long past its “sell by” date. My web presence is officially old enough to have graduated from college and to have lived on its own for a few years. I should probably think about turning its bedroom into a den or a library or a dungeon or something. Otherstream (or its predecessor) has outlasted six cars (sort of), five computers, four addresses, three area codes, two years in grad school, and one husband. All the other blogger kids stopped doing this years ago. And honestly, I mostly stopped doing it years ago as well.

In the past 25 years, I’ve gone from being an underemployed retail manager in San Francisco to a tenured university faculty member and librarian in North Carolina. I’ve successfully negotiated two major medical crises and many major financial crises. How we’ll I’ve navigated the several personal crises depends on your perspective. My hobby is travel now rather than sex. I spend my money on books rather than beer. I like to think I’ve becoming a more interesting and pleasant person to be around even though I was becoming much less social even before it was mandated by the current public health environment.

Most of my creative energy now goes into work and into Groceteria.com, though you can still find my random personal and pop culture sharing on Twitter. I’ve made lots of really good friends here, some of whom are even still around. Thanks!

Anyway, I’m not committing to updating in the future. But I’m also not committing to not updating in the future. I no longer have several hundred people checking in every day like I once did, so I imagine there will not be much anguish and distress either way. It’s pretty much just down to what I care about at this point. And I’m now old enough that I don’t stress over things nearly as much as I used to.

I did the big nostalgia thing five years ago. But I should probably do something to celebrate this time too, right? After all, it is still McRib season…

A productive pandemic

When I get overwhelmed or start wondering where the last year went, I remind myself that since March I have:

  • Co-authored a book that should be published later this year
  • Migrated one of the largest library digital collections in the state to a new content management platform (link later)
  • Participated in the salvation of American democracy
  • Added a bunch of new cities to Groceteria
  • Eighty-sixed Facebook
  • Rebuilt a friendship that had been dormant for almost thirty years
  • Watched at least a hundred vintage episodes of “What’s My Line?”
  • Become disturbingly conversant in the MODS metadata schema as well as several new XML tools
  • Supervised three student capstones and independent studies
  • Managed to avoid getting a COVID-related illness
  • Done a few pretty good media interviews (radio, national magazine, well-trafficked blog)
  • Read many good books (and bought way too many more)
  • Never hoarded toilet paper and also never run out of same
  • Managed three big grant projects simultaneously and remotely
  • Only gained about five pounds and actually ended up with better labs than last year
  • Stayed reasonably sane

Try it yourself. It helps!

Ten years as a solo act

Ten years ago today I ceased to be partnered.

It was pretty devastating at the time, both because it happened so fast (trouble started in late August, nine years down the tube in March) and because it was so unexpected, at least on my end. It didn’t help matters that it also coincided with a major career change and a brewing family issue that would redefine the next seven or eight years of my life.

I didn’t talk much about the issues at the time and I’m not doing to do so now either except to say that if I’m ever in another relationship, two mistakes I hope I never make are:

  1. If things get to a crisis point before you even bring them up with your partner, you have a communication problem that’s probably much bigger than whatever the specific issue at hand may be.
  2. If you’re going to force a major change in the relationship, the second worst thing you can do is to ask your partner for his opinion and then basically inform him that he really has no say in the matter anyway and that you will ignore any objections he has–or even temporary mitigations or compromises he suggests.
  3. The worst thing you can, though, do is to follow this up by also telling him what emotions he is allowed to have about the whole process and what reactions are appropriate in your eyes.

I’ll just say we probably could have gotten past Number 1, but Numbers 2 and 3 were insurmountable and were also probably evidence that the outcome was inevitable from the start.

But that’s not what I’m here to talk about today. The big deal is that I got through it (and all the related bullshit that was going on in my life) and ten years later, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. The shitshow that was 2011 and 2012 was a wakeup call for me, although the alarm didn’t really go off until 2013. It made me realize that I was depressed, that I had been for some time, and that I needed to do something about it. All those “bad things” didn’t cause my depression. Depression is a physical thing that afflicted me long before any of this. What they did was make it so intolerable that I finally had to get some help. And I did.

I think anyone who knows me would probably find me to be a much more tolerable person than I was ten or twenty years ago. I like my life better and I like myself better. I’m more secure in the fact that I’m a pretty OK person and more inclined not to give a fuck if someone disagrees. I tend to focus on things I like now rather than things I hate. I don’t spend all my time pissed off about things that don’t matter. My sense of adventure has returned, if in a slightly more grown-up version. Everything is just … better.

Maybe I was never suited to be in a long-term relationship, which I’d pretty much always believed anyway until I found myself in one. I like spending time with myself better than anyone else, so a lot of my friendships suffered when it became necessary for me to spend so much of my time with one other person. I like calling all the shots in my life, and I’m willing to take the consequences. I also really fucking hate traveling with someone else, but that’s a whole other story.

As for the ex? He and I don’t really talk much anymore, and that was largely my doing because I kind of needed it to end; we’ve actually only seen each other in person once since 2011 and I didn’t find it an especially pleasant experience. There’s no animosity involved. We just went our separate ways and it just doesn’t feel like we have that much to say to each other anymore. I’m guessing he’s as relieved about it as I am.

Will I ever find myself in another long-term relationship? Probably not. At this point, friendship is more important to me than sex and romance (though I have to admit the “friends with benefits” thing has its charms). I have good friends, but I could use more. I have a job that I love, but I could probably have a better life-work balance. Nothing is ever perfect, but everything is pretty damned good!

One year in

Today marks one year of remote work for me. I’ve been taking a selfie from this same basic angle every three months since the first day and this is Number 5 (or Volume 2 Number 1, if you prefer).

Updates:

  • Work-wise, it’s been a really productive period. I rebuilt our digital collections platform from the ground up (link upon request), contributed to several articles, wrote an ill-fated grant application (long story over which I had no control), and co-authored a book that should be published this fall.
  • I have traveled a bit (not nearly as much as usual) because I avoid human contact on the road even when there’s not a pandemic, so I felt like I was being cautious.
  • I’ve had the first shot. The second comes a week from today. I may start going into the office at least a couple of days a week after that.
  • Lots of Groceteria research, some of which has actually made it on to the site.
  • I’ve read so many books. And bought even more with all the money I’ve saved not doing other things.
  • I haven’t gained nearly as much weight as I expected, but the painful aftermath of a long walk last week reminded me that a little exercise is probably in order.
  • I also still haven’t gotten someone to fix the damned bathroom floor.

Time marches on. Or at least I think it does.