Apologies to anyone who tried to hit the site but couldn’t on Monday. A strategically placed link at Suck.com resulted in a slight bandwidth catastrophe, blocking access for a good chunk of the afternoon and evening. I don’t envision a repeat performance. I appreciate the link, but jeez, you’d think they’d warn a guy…

This Waffle House in Burlington NC may be the only one in captivity which deviates from the standard brown walls and yellow roof prototype so common in the south. But even in its deviance, it’s still a chain prototype. It used to be a Sunoco station. That said, you’re now ready to read about my trip home to North Carolina a couple of weeks back. Finally. Enjoy.

If you’re inordinantly interested in my past life, you can also check out the lost journal entries from 1988 and 1989-1992 that I found at home, while dodging raccoons and squirrel shit. They come pretty close to filling a big gap in the series. Or you could just skip ’em.

Unrelated to the above:

I seem to have developed a strange sort of Christmas fetish this year. I’ve been listening to the music and watching the assorted cartoons. I have an urge to bake. I’ve even been contemplating buying a tree. I’ve never bought a Christmas tree on my own, although I used to decorate the elephant plant when I lived in Charlotte. I don’t think Irma would let me decorate her.

Maybe it’s because I probably won’t be going home for Christmas this year until sometime in January. Maybe it’s my newfound domesticity. Or maybe it’s because this will probably be my last one in San Francisco. I don’t know. All I’m sure of is that I really want an illuminated plastic snowman.

Time for me to do one of those heinous millenial lists now. Sometimes I feel that my life has been a quest for the perfect pop song (among other things). So here’s a list. If it seems a bit heavy on the 1970s and 1980s, that’s because that’s when I did the most looking.

Keep in mind that these are not necessarily my all-time favorite songs and arists of all time. They’re just a bunch of really bitchin’ up-tempo, often over-produced pop songs. Whiny love ballads and metal masterpieces don’t count. The songs are also in no particular order other than alphabetical, except as categorized.

Let’s just say they’d make an amazing tape or CD compilation. Call ’em lightweight, if you will. I don’t care…

The Winner:

• “Starry Eyes” – The Records

The Runners-Up:

• “Glass Onion” – Beatles
• “You Say You Don’t Love Me” – Buzzcocks
• “Downtown” – Petulia Clark
• “Boys Don’t Cry’ – The Cure
• “Every Word Means No” – Lets Active
• “Georgy Girl” – The New Seekers
• “Cruel to Be Kind” – Nick Lowe
• “Driver’s Seat” – Sniff & the Tears
• “New Romance” – Spider
• “I Only Want to Be with You” – Dusty Springfield
• “Pulling Mussels from a Shell” – Squeeze
• “Incense and Peppermints” – Strawberry Alarm Clock

The Rest:

• “I Beg Your Pardon” – Lynn Anderson
• “Hello Dolly” – Louis Armstrong
• “Every Time I Think of You” – The Babys
• “Saturday Night” – Bay City Rollers
• “Norwegian Wood” – Beatles
• “One Way or Another” – Blondie
• “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper” – Blue Oyster Cult
• “There’s No Other Way” -Blur
• “Take Five” – Dave Brubeck
• “What Do I Get” – Buzzcocks
• “Fame” – Irene Cara
• “Just What I Needed” – Cars
• “Ring of Fire” – Johnny Cash
• “Seven Year Ache” – Rosanne Cash
• “Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves” – Cher
• “Street Life” – Crusaders
• The Love Cats” – The Cure
• “Happenstance” The dB’s
• “Mack the Knife” – Bobby Darin
• “Punk Rock Girl” – Dead Milkmen
• “Sausalito Summer Night” – Diesel
• “Europa and the Pirate Twins” – Thomas Dolby
• “Hello, I Love You” – Doors
• “Girls on Film” – Duran Duran
• “Morning Train (Nine to Five)” – Sheena Easton
• “Stand or Fall” – The Fixx
• “Hey Saint Peter” – Flash and the Pan
• “New York Groove” – Ace Frehley
• “One Last Kiss” – J. Geils
• “Somebody’s Knockin'” – Terry Gibbs
• “Our Lips Are Sealed” – Go-go’s
• “Hold On” – Ian Gomm
• “Live for Today” – Grass Roots
• “Midnight Confessions” – Grass Roots
• “Let Me Go” – Heaven 17
• “Don’t You Want Me” – Human League
• “Things that Dreams Are Made of” – Human League
• “Whisper to a Scream” – Icicle Works
• “You’re One” – Imperial Teen
• “I Want you Back” – Jackson 5
• “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” – Elton John/Kiki Dee
• “Wives and Lovers” – Jack Jones
• “The Break-up Song” – Greg Kihn
• “Detachable Penis” – King Missile
• “Good Girls Don’t” – The Knack
• “Lotta Love” – Nicolette Larson
• “Room with a View” – Lets Active
• “Funkytown” – Lipps Inc.
• “Ways to Be Wicked” – Lone Justice
• “Summer in the City” – Lovin’ Spoonful
• “One’s on the Way” – Loretta Lynn
• “Into the Groove” – Madonna
• “Cliche” – Male Model
• “Gemini Dream” – Moody Blues
• “Right Back Where We Started From” – Maxine Nightingale
• “Everybody’s Talkin'” – Harry Nilsson
• “Flash Light” – Parliament
• “I Wanna Be Your Lover” – Prince
• “Wolves Lower” – REM
• “Send Me an Angel” – Real Life
• “Talking in Your Sleep” – Romantics
• “Neck on Up” – Todd Rundgren/Utopia
• “Set Me Free” – Todd Rundgren/Utopia
• “My Ex” – Sex Execs
• “Homosapien” – Pete Shelley
• “Strangers in the Night” – Frank Sinatra
• “Might as Well Be Walking on the Sun” – Smashmouth
• “Tainted Love” – Soft Cell
• “I Got You” – Split Enz
• “The Fez” – Steely Dan
• “Breakfast in America” – Supertramp
• “The Happening” – Supremes
• “Ballroom Blitz” – Sweet
• “Let’s Stay Together” – Tina Turner
• “They Don’t Know” – Tracey Ullman
• “Cantaloop” – Us 3
• “Gone Daddy Gone” – Violent Femmes
• “Do You Know the Way to San Jose” – Dionne Warwick
• “Lovely Day” – Bill Withers
• “Change Gotta Come” – X-Teens
• “Senses Working Overtime” – XTC
• “Generals and Majors” – XTC
• “For Your Love” – Yardbirds

I’m getting all the rest over the Thanksgiving weekend that I didn’t get while I was on vacation. What that means is that (a) I’m still way behind on the email and (b) there are no pictures and trip journals yet. Sorry.

Now, mind you, this doesn’t mean that I’ve been sitting by the TV for all of the past three days. In addition to the new stuff you see to your left, I actually dragged my ass down the street to the neighborhood bars on Wednesday night for my monthly visit. The bar scene was no less tepid than it’s been for the past year or so, but the night was saved when I ran into a visiting member of the web family (oh, let’s just call him “Bruce”) and a couple of his friends.

Worry not, my unintentional celibacy remains intact, but it was nice having someone fun to talk to, if a bit disturbing to realize that (courtesy of this site) there are people I’ve never met who are quite familiar with my life. Nice guy, though, which was a bit of a relief as I’d already broken the rules and given him a phone number, site unseen, since I figured no one would lie about having a degree in urban planning. I have one too, and I almost never lie.

Thursday brought a great Thanksgiving dinner with Sarah and Brad. There was turkey and dressing and veggies and wine, and I brought a pumpkin pie and a can of aerosol whipped cream. Before dinner, we watched football, which seemed very traditional (and I promised to skip all wry football comments here , even though I wasn’t going to make any anyway).

Afterwards, Sarah and Brad were kind enough to sit through a tape of last Sunday’s Fox cartoons which I’d missed while waiting for a shuttle at the airport. Then Sarah and I went for a walk to look at the sea lions. Sarah was quite horrified to realize that San Francisco’s 127th Gap has just opened very close to her building.

And today, I’ve done damn near nothing but scrub the bathtub and clean the refrigerator, which sounds like a lot but only accounts for about 45 minutes. I’m not sure what happened to the rest of the day.

I may hit the corner bars again tonight (twice in one month yet) because I’m so horny I could fuck the crack of dawn right now (pardon the Southernism). It won’t do any good, but at least I’ll feel like I tried…