Miscellaneous

Independence Day random thoughts, nonsequiturs, etc.:

1. Isn’t it wonderful that, if the House of Representatives has its way, the American flag will have more specific Constitutional protections than a majority of American citizens? Shouldn’t we consider giving the Equal Rights Amendment another shot before rendering a piece of cloth (or other synthetic material) more important than the freedoms it’s supposed to represent?
2. How did I live here so long without recognizing that the outlying parts of town (the Outer Mission, Glen Park, Bayview, the Richmond, and the Sunset) are in many ways some of the most interesting parts of San Francisco, free as they are from the trendiness and pretentiousness of the sacred northeastern quarter? I’ve been spending more and more time “out there” in the past few months and it’s starting to grow on me. There’s a reality that downtown is sorely missing.
3. Why would someone throw out perfectly good windows like the ones I found on Clement Street with Sarah this afternoon? They saw trash. I saw end tables which will soon flank the sofa I still don’t have.
4. What is it about holiday weekends that makes even natives drive like complete idiots?
5. Last, how many people know (or care) that the humble store on Irving Street pictured above was most likely the first Safeway store in San Francisco, way back in 1927? Even better, how many people will believe me (or care) when I say that there used to be Piggly Wiggly stores here in the 1930s?

Sleeping now, as the 5th of July is not necessarily a holiday for everyone…

Even the blind can tell when there’s a gay street fair in the neighborhood. The crappy music assaults you from blocks away. Why is it that every single faggot event on the planet must occur to the accompaniment of techno, disco, house, or some variation? Does everything “gay” have to be made into a giant circuit party?

Judging from the above, you’d be assuming correctly if you guessed that I skipped the Dore Alley Fair today. The street was thumping a bit too much and I got scared. I thought about the first one I attended (in 1991, before I moved here) and how there were actual live bands. With guitars and everything. I stoppped about half a block short of this year’s.

Instead, I popped into the corner bar and had my way with this boy who had a Cocteau Twins tattoo on the back of his neck. Not a bad substitute, I thought.

Since it’s been a while since I’ve done this, here’s today’s list of things whose popularity I just don’t understand:

• Hootie and the Blowfish
• The Toyota RAV4
• Rice cakes
• George W. Bush
• Huge lawns which require mowing
• Nordstrom
• The USA Network
• The Family Circus

Horrible “like watching a train wreck” show of the season: Blind Date. The premise involves an intimate first date between a cloyingly unpleasant man, an annoyingly unpleasant woman, and a camera operator. There are two men and two women per episode. I have no idea how many camera operators are involved.

These people are just plain awful. They’re boring. They’re the sort of people with whom you’d prefer not to have even a fleeting chance encounter, much less an entire date. They talk in clichés and giggle a lot. The most exciting moments are seen outside their cars as they drive from one bland L.A. nightspot to the next.

And it’s sucked me in twice this week. I start watching to see just how much worse the first couple can get. I keep watching to see what idiots the second couple will be. It would be almost hypnotic if not for the slight queasiness I develop after the first ten minutes or so.

The only thing which might be even more grating would be watching two West Hollywood muscle clones on a first date. But I wouldn’t count on seeing that particular sort of coupling on this particular show anytime soon anyway.

And speaking of train wrecks, check out this site.

Finally, thanks to everyone who wrote in about things mosquitoes hate. Citronella candles came in as the number one choice, followed by Avon’s Skin-So-Soft lotion. Other suggestions included thiamin, peppermint oil, and Bounce fabric softener sheets. Fortunately, the city has cooled off, the windows are closed again, and the problem seems to have disappeared.

Time for a quick wank and a little sleep now…

It sounds vaguely like something from the Homer Simpson family of fine foods. Pork Sausage Nuggets. The tasty new snack treat marketed toward English kids. Anyway, if you happen to live in the UK, they’re on sale at your neighborhood Safeway this week. Yummm. Something tells me they probably don’t even require refrigeration.

Ever notice that you don’t find a large number of “traditional British restaurants” among the fine ethnic eateries in major cities around the world? Maybe the one remaining of the Two Fat Ladies should start a franchise, although last week’s devilled kidneys were a bit off-putting.

As far as way of updates for today, I continue to do nothing of any interest to much of anyone (myself included) lately. But I’ll give it a shot anyway:

• My upcoming fall road trip remains up in the air, and may well become a fall plane trip with a somewhat reduced scope. I still want to make it to the Piggly Wiggly museum in Memphis, though. Imagine the T-shirts!
• No submissions yet to the exciting new Did You Bring Bottles, which remains in beta because I haven’t had much time to work on it.
• One of Irma’s kids passed away this week.
• I’ve been reading the Chicago papers a lot lately.

Anybody wanna give me a long and moderately painful neck and back massage in exchange for a plug on this page?

Since the turnaround time for “retro” and nostalgia seems to be approaching about five years lately, I figured this might be a good time to begin compiling some official “90’s retro” items which will soon seem as quaint and dated as acid-washed jeans, Cold War propaganda, or avocado appliances.

Here’s my list so far:

• Simple Shoes
• Twin Peaks
• The Macarena
• Queer Nation
• Jesse Ventura
• Conan O’Brien
• Ridiculously exaggerated baggy pants
• Emoticons
• Melrose Place
• Martha Stewart
• Boston Market
• Real Stories of the Highway Patrol
• Cigars and cigar bars
• Boy bands
• “Extreme” sports
• “Extreme” anything
• High-tech stock boom
• George Magazine
• Olestra
• Leonardo DiCaprio
• Modems
• Windows 95
• Jokes about stained dresses and oral sex
• Star Trek spinoffs
• Y2K paranoia

A couple more things for your soon-to-be-retro-kitch list:

• Girls smoking (very big) cigars
• Jesse Camp, the “people’s choice” host of MTV
• All of MTV, especially Loveline
• Jesse Ventura, the other “people’s choice”
• The Blair Witch Project
• Blair Witch Project send-ups (like the Scooby-Doo commercial)
• Giant talking M&M’s
• Ralph Reed
• Newt Gingrich
• Non-genetically-altered food
• Campaign finance reform
• Any Internet-related service not dominated by phone companies
• Phones with cords
• Personal comfort, privacy and dignity for airline passengers