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March 13, 2001

Insomniac

I can’t sleep. Indulge me. It’s been several months since I’ve done one of these…

Things to be worried about at 1:30 in the morning:

  • I’m 36 years old and I’m no closer to knowing what I want to be when I grow up than I was at age 18. I’m coasting along just fine, but with no specific long-term goal nor passion.
  • I’m not convinced that I have much to offer a prospective employer. I know a little about a lot of things, but I’m not an expert at much of anything.
  • I’m even less convinced that I have much to offer a prospective boyfriend, sex partner, or even a casual acquaintance. And I’m not sure that I care, anyhow.
  • My parents aren’t going to be around forever. I live on the other end of the country, and I see them about once a year.
  • I’m smoking more and getting out of the house less.
  • I have a lot of work I should be doing. I’m not doing much of it. Nor much of anything else.
  • I think that my favorite Stouffer’s Hearty Portions entree is about to be discontinued.

I am, however, optimistic that I’ll be sleeping soon and that I won’t be thinking about any of these things tomorrow. But it might do me more good to think about them during the day once in a while…

Music

Music. It used to be one of the primary ways by which I defined myself, although it was usually more about what I hated than what I liked.

I guess it still is, in a way. But I’m not really an active consumer now. I don’t buy music. I don’t keep up with who’s who and what’s what. I’m not constantly looking for something new. I listen to songs. I like some of them and I hate even more of them. And then I’m done with it.

Music has become a somewhat passive, background sort of thing for me, with certain excpetions. And the idea of owning music was never quite the same after I stopped being the music director at my college radio station. In other words, after everything stopped being free. It’s gone downhill for me ever since.

Which is why I like the idea of Napster, but also see a very real problem with it. Yes, many people sample music there, which they may very well purchase at some later point. But I have a sneaking suspicion that more people are looking for something specific that they really want to hear but really don’t want to buy. Ever.

Anyhow, that’s what I’d use it for, given a fast enough connection to make it worth the effort.