Upon Hitting Age 36

Realizations upon hitting age 36:

Any email message which states “this is not spam” invariably is.
Most people will never realize that the same logic which states “Windows is the most popular operating system, therefore it’s the best” would also suggest that McDonald’s is the most fabulous restaurant in the world.
I will probably never do anything which will get me in the history books and I’m probably glad.
I will probably never have a live-in boyfriend and I’m definitely glad.
There are approximately five other people on the planet who share my fascination with old supermarkets and I’ve probably spoken with at least four of them already.
San Francisco will never again seem as exciting to me as it did in 1992 or even 1996.
Los Angeles is not really such a bad place.
Neither is Richmond, Virginia.
I still like Chicago and Detroit better.
There will always be yuppies, no matter what the currently fashionable term. They will always be annoying. And they will always be an easy target.
I will probably not wake up this morning to find a 21-inch monitor has mysteriously appeared on my doorstep and just as mysteriously has managed not to be stolen.
I do not get tired of The Simpsons no matter how many times I’ve seen each and every episode. And I’ve seen them all very many times.
I cannot say the same thing about “Third Rock from the Sun”.
I will always feel just a little insecure and just a tad melancholy right around my birthday.
Not to mention just a touch self-indulgent.

Birthday bash tonight at Tad’s Steaks on Powell Street. We get in the $8.59 steak line at 8PM.

Find Me an 18-Year-Old

It’s quite important that I find an 18-year-old to have sex with on my birthday tomorrow. You see, I’m turning 36, and I’ve become just a little obsessed with the idea that it will finally be legal (in California) for me to do the nasty with someone half my age. So if you’re 18 and willing, please show up at Thursday’s birthday bash.

You don’t have to do much, just enough so that it would have been illegal if I were 34 and you were 17. Or even if we were both 60 in North Carolina or about 20 other states.

A skateboard is optional, but it might result in a bonus…

Randomly Monday

Yes, I know it’s been over a week since I wrote anything substantial, and yes, it’s been almost as long since I’ve answered any email. I promise to catch up Monday night. It’s been hectic. Really hectic. This, of course, has the twin effects of (a) giving me nothing interesting to write about and (b) leaving me no time to write about the aforementioned nothing anyhow.

The big excitement of today (other than getting a lot done, of course) was learning that Apple Jacks now have little green things in with the little pinkish-orange things. So now I know that in addition to tasting better, the Safeway brand is all one color. Interesting Sunday, huh?

Still hoping to see anyone and everyone who might show up at Thursday night’s birthday bash. In case you missed it, the time is 8PM on Thursday 10 August. The place is Tad’s Steaks on Powell near Post. Informal attire is required, and gifts are not encouraged. Vegans are welcome but may find limited food options.

Bed. Me. Now.

Slammed

Just another quick note to say I’m slammed for the next two days or so, after which I will (a) start updating again and (b) maybe even start answering email again…

Birthday Bash

Just a quickie note to make official that the second annual Planet SOMA Birthday Gathering will convene at 8PM on Thursday 10 August. All are welcome; gifts are not encouraged. The location, once again, is Tad’s Steaks on Powell. A more suitable invitation will be forthcoming. For now, read about last year’s if you like…