I know what you’re thinking, but I promise I had absolutely nothing to do with the protesters who hit Mayor Willie Brown in the face with a pie. Mind you, I completely support their protest against the “economic cleansing” of San Francisco. And I completely support anything which makes Emperor Willie the Pompous appear foolish.

I’m just pissed off that I didn’t think of it first.

There are, as yet, no pictures or journals from Road Trip 98. However, I have added a Statistics page, with some useless information, “best of” items, etc. Look for the real scoop within the next couple of days.

I’m going back to bed now.

I’m home. I’m not wildly excited about this fact. ‘Nuff said…

Is it possible to have jet lag when you DRIVE across the country? I sort of feel like someone hit me really hard with a big stick.

Anyhow, it was a great trip. The details and pictures will follow shortly. Thanks to Erik and Bob, Carroll and Scott, David and Davee, and Bil and everyone else who put up with me. And thanks especially to Luby’s Cafeteria for keeping me fueled with fried okra all the way home.

I’m going to bed now. My own bed. That’ll be nice…

Miles travelled: 7003

States visited: 16

Most states in one day: 4 (on two different days)

Most annoying song heard over and over again: “The Stroke” by Billy Squier

Obscure top 40 song from my past I was most surprised to hear: “Gemini Dream” by the Moody Blues

Strangest radio station: 920AM in Faribault MN (all polka all the time)

Best lodging: Renaissance Tower, Indianapolis

Worst lodging: Motel 6, Kansas City

Cutest boys in the rest areas: Nebraska

Strangest food substance: Frank’s Kraut Juice (Minnesota)

Most pleasant financial surprise: Free ATM service at Norwest Banks thanks to merger mania

Runner-up to above: Cigarettes for $15.00 a carton in Indiana and Wyoming

Best thrift store surprise: The missing piece of my McDonald’s Flintstones mug collection

Crappiest queer bar: Blazing Saddles, Des Moines IA

Strangest queer bar: C’est La Vie, Milwaukee

Most enjoyable felony: Oral sex in Michigan (I’d say Minnesota too, but I’m not sure if it’s felony there)

Most enjoyable misdemeanor: Public drinking in a creepy parking garage in Minneapolis

Most enjoyable infraction: 90MPH through large parts of Nevada and Wyoming

Most roadkill sightings: I-35 through Iowa

Best culinary experience: The King and I, Minneapolis

Runner-up to above: Luby’s Cafeteria, OKC, Amarillo, and Albuquerque

Number of people I met in bars who had seen Planet SOMA: 1

Strangest vehicular sighting: An Oakland city bus parked at a truck stop in Albuquerque

Cheapest gas: 80.9 cents in Oklahoma City

Runner-up to above: 84.9 cents in Des Moines

Most expensive gas: $1.55 in the middle of the Mojave Desert

Runner-up to above: $1.29 in Needles CA

Worst allergy region: Minnesota, hands down

Odometer: 90273

 

Gas price in Needles: $1.29 a gallon. Gas price when I said “fuck that” and drove three blocks back into Arizona: 97¢ a gallon. Sometimes I hate California.

I hated it more and more as I crossed the Mojave into Barstow. Traffic got progressively worse and worse. By the time I hit I-5 west of Bakersfield, I was in the midst of a nasty automotive clusterfuck. I had a near-death experience outside Santa Nella, where I just missed being car number 16 or 17 in a 25-car pileup. Fortunately, no one actually collided, although two cars were forced off the road.

There were minor storms in the mountains west of Mojave. There were fairly intense ones (by California standards) just south of San Francisco.

When I crossed Altamont Pass, I was more or less home. I was also just about out of gas. I finally stopped in Castro Valley. At this point, I knew I was really home in the good old Golden State because I had to drive through this suburban strip for fifteen minutes before I could find a gas station.

Oakland. Bay Bridge. Home. After 7003 miles…

Odometer: 89729

 

There is nothing quite so annoying as being in a huge thrift store in Albuquerque NM on a Saturday morning in the midst of a half-price sale. I was in and out in about three minutes and off to my final Luby’s Cafeteria, where there was no fried okra, but there WAS fried zucchini.

I stopped at a truck stop just outside town to get gas. Imagine my surprise at seeing an Oakland city bus in the parking lot. The driver said it was being delivered. I saw another one a few miles down the road, rolling along with its “West Oakland BART” destination sign out of place in the desert.

About this time, my odometer crossed the 90,000-mile mark.

 

This was another long day of driving with few stops. Once again, I was covering familiar ground, through western New Mexico and all of Arizona in one day. The only highlights were a devilishly cute gas jockey in Holbrook AZ and a brush fire in the median somewhere west of Flagstaff. I was completely worn out by the time I hit the California state line and rolled into Needles.

Needles CA has to be one of the most depressing places in the country. There was absolutely nothing there and absolutely nothing going on. And this was a Saturday night following a rodeo! OK…there ewre a couple of cute cowboys around, but they were on the way out of town.

I coped by going to the AM/PM, getting myself a 59-cent death dog, some Doritos, and a Foster’s Lager, and then settling in for “The People vs. Larry Flynt”. Slept like a baby, although I was a little worried that I was running the air conditioner while it was 50 degrees outside. Guess I’d sort of gotten used to the cold.