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1998

A Horse Is A Horse

Anyone read much about Proposition 6, one of the strangest and flat-out silliest ballot initiatives in California in years? This one makes me wonder (again) about the purely Californian notion that any crackpot scheme can be put to statewide vote with a few signatures on a petition. Proposition 6 makes it a felony to sell horsemeat for human consumption.

What the fuck?

Mind you it’s still legal to butcher Mister Ed for dog food or whatever other purpose, so any “animal rights” arguments are completely moot. Dogs, apparently are smart enough to decide what they want to eat. Humans aren’t.

The whole issue would be too fucking silly to merit comment if we weren’t spending tax money to place it on the ballot. To hell with the myriad social and economic problems facing California! Let’s save the poor little horseys from those three or four Californians who want to eat them.

Fleet Week

The Blue Angels are here! Big fuckin’ deal…

Fleet Week pretty much means nothing more these days than a bunch of navy pilots seeing how low they can fly and how much noise they can make. Most residents are not amused. Except my roomie. He seems to have this strange miltary fetish…

Absolute essential reading du jour: the Guardian’s feature on how San Francisco is well on its way to becoming “America’s first fully gentrified city”. I’m impressed.

The series discusses pretty much everything I’ve been writing about lately, including my favorite, the “artist lofts” which force out actual artists. albeit with more journalistic flair and some actual statistics. And they ask the question I keep repeating over and over: why does no one in “progressive” San Francisco seem particularly concerned about this trend?

On a completely unrelated note, it’s always fun seeing one of my design babies go live. Need a web designer?

Jaws 2, Humans 0

Y’know, there are few meals more perfect than a carnitas burrito from Pancho Villa at 16th and Mission. This is just a thought. Not a paid advertisement…

So I’m spending Friday evening watching Jaws and remembering the first time I saw it. I was about 11, and my Mom and Dad really didn’t want me to go, especially since we had a beach trip scheduled soon after. They should have been more worried about my growing fascination with long-haired boys in swim trunks than with my (non-existent) fear of sharks…

And they really grew to regret letting me go after I bought a copy of this really annoying novelty record called “Mister Jaws”. It was one of those things where a “reporter” asked questions which were answered by samples from then-popular songs. I drove them nuts listening to it over and over again. If pressed, I could probably still recite it from memory.

I hope I never get the urge to have kids.

The Master of the Universe

So I met the master of the universe this weekend.

He was much shorter than I’d imagined. He was wearing a baseball cap and Birkenstocks. Cute guy. Talented with his mouth, too. In fact, he spent much more time on his knees than I expected of a deity.

I didn’t bring him home, partly because he was drunk, partly because I was afraid to have such a celebrity in my home, and partly because he wouldn’t offer any name other than “master of the universe”.

I think he was actually starting to believe it. One more beer and I might have too.

Five days until I hit the road. There’s an expanded itinerary with pictures now. Some of the pix may be a little old…

Cold, Vacation, Archie

I feel like absolute walking shit.

While getting madder and madder about this week’s collection of heinous news, I’ve also managed to pick up one of those really nasty colds that one usually gets when one is about to leave on vacation.

Plus my video camera is in the shop and will most likely not be leaving with me on Saturday. And there’s all that damned laundry to do. And I need to get a birthday present in the mail to my Mom.

And I’m out of Kleenex again, dammit…

Without the soothing diversion of the All in the Family marathon on Nick at Nite, I’d be a real mess.

Naaah…I never get cranky when I’m sick…

Bloopy?

What the hell is a Bloopy? And is it just my imagination or are kids shows getting lamer and lamer every day? First one to suggest that I’m the lame one for actually watching kids shows receives a special Planet SOMA impotence curse.

Ok…the camera’s fixed. The cold is about 75 % gone. All of the freelance stuff is done. I’ve warned the store that I won’t be checking my work voice mail. And the trip is only delayed by one day.Thanks to everyone for all the well-wishing email, and especially for a couple of last-minute lodging offers.

The site du jour is Nightcharm. It’s sort of a thinking man’s smut site, which my pal jOnnO is working with. We like…

On the Road

The car is packed and the route is mapped. I’m outta here!

No guarantees of updates from the road, but I’ll do what I can (which may mean “nothing”). There are also no guarantees that I’ll be checking (or answering) email on a regular basis.

If you’re interested, use this handy itinerary to see where I am today.

While I’m gone, you might consider visting these fine sites for amusement and entertainment.

Cheers.

Planet SOMA US Tour 1998

Last year I spent five weeks doing the ultimate tour of the US, covering 8000 miles, 33 states, and 2 countries. It was a pretty amazing thing, and I met a lot of really great people in the process. Since I’d already done several other really big road trips that year too, I swore I’d never drive anywhere again (or at least for a year or so). It’s been a year. I’ve headed out again. I love being on the road.

This year, the tour was scaled back a bit, and the invasion victims were Detroit, Minneapolis, Indianapolis, and a few one-nighters. Along the way, I added two more states to my “collection” (Nebraska and Iowa). And I added over 7000 miles to the odometer.

Sunday 10/18: San Francisco to Wells NV
This will be boring.

Monday 10/19: Wells to Cheyenne WY
So will this.

Tuesday 10/20: Cheyenne to Des Moines
Recommendations?

Wednesday 10/21: Des Moines to Indianapolis IN
This is a good opportunity to rest up and visit Bob and Cody. And eat well.

Thursday 10/22: Indianapolis
Still visiting. Still eating. Still resting.

  

Friday 10/23: Indianapolis to Detroit MI
The calm before the storm.

Saturday 10/24-Sunday 10/25: Detroit
Lots of plans in Detroit, led by the demolition of the former Hudson’s Department Store on Saturday. I’ll be lurking about with Scott and Mike, and other plans include touring various aspects of urban decay and automotive history, as well as a run to Canada and to this incredible used bookstore I’ve heard about.

 

Monday 10/26: Detroit to Milwaukee WI
I may skip Chicago this time due to time and budget constraints. I’m not sure yet. An evening of drinking with David in Milwaukee is in the cards. This part of the trip may run an extra day.

Tuesday 10/27: Milwaukee to Madison WI
Unplanned stop.

Wednesday 10/28: Madison to Minneapolis MN

 

Thursday 10/29 – Tuesday 11/3: Minneapolis
I’ll be here for a week. Lots on the agenda, from carnal knowlege to visiting several old friends. Possible side trips to Fargo and Duluth. Maybe even LaCroix…who knows?

Wednesady 11/4: Minneapolis to Kansas City MO
I know people in KC. I haven’t contacted them yet, because this was a recent addition. We’ll see what happens.

Thursday 11/5: Kansas City to Oklahoma City OK
I won’t have a lot more time than I did last year, but maybe this time I’ll figure out how to cruise the Habana Inn. Or maybe not…

Friday 11/6: Oklahoma City to Albuquerque NM
I trust the balloon people will be gone.

Saturday 11/7: Albuquerque NM to Needles CA
Nuff said

Sunday 11/8: Barstow to San Francisco

SF to Wells NV

 Odometer: 83835

 

Long day. Minimal sleep from the night before. I actually managed to get on the road relatively early, fueled by the excitement of spending a night in Wells NV. OK, I’m lying. I was fueled by nothing but full-strength, high-caffeine Coca Cola Classic.

There is absolutely nothing exciting about Wells, and not too much exciting about northern Nevada in general. Once you pass Reno, all civilization pretty much ends, and the scenery is not exciting enough to compensate.

I did, however, come to two realizations on I-80. The first was that”Starry Eyes” by the Records may well be the most classically perfect pop song of the past twenty years. The second was that the vibrations in my car were probably not due to my 90MPH speed.

The second realization proved costlier than the first. Two new tires in Wells. This completed the set I started on the way back from Vegas in the spring. What is it about Nevada highways?

Dinner at a very sad-looking casino, which actually had a pretty passable cafe. The TV news from Salt Lake City featured THREE stories from North Carolina, solidifying my opinion that Utah is pretty much interchangeable with my home state.

Wells NV to Cheyenne WY

Odometer: 84407

 

Up at 6:30. On the road by 8 after breakfast and two new tires at Les Schwab. Today was all about distance. Minimal stops. Minimal sightseeing. I barely stopped in Salt Lake City, although I managed to hear no less than four Rush songs while in radio range. The proliferation of headbanger stations had begun most dramatically with Ozzy Osbourne as I crossed the Great Salt Desert. It pretty much never ended through the entire trip.

Lunch at the KFC “all you can eat” buffet in Evanston WY. Passed the Continental Divide at the 100-mile mark.

And then there was snow. It wasn’t falling from the sky, nor piled up on the road. It had, however, accumulated on the ground and I started to worry that maybe I was travelling a little late in the season. As it turned out, I continued to “ourun” the weather for the next two weeks.

I bypassed Laramie, where Matthew Shepard’s funeral had taken place two days before, and made my way to a bed at the Motel 6 in Cheyenne. The Motel 6 on the west side of town. The Motel 6 next to the train tracks. The Motel 6 next to the very noisy train tracks.

Dinner at a Chick-Fil-A in a very frightening mall. All the customers were white. All the kids had severe acne. The sandwich was great. The waffle fries sucked, as usual.