Journals : 1983 : Part 3
The Soundtrack:
Lets Active, Culture Club, Shannon, Romantics, Laura Branigan, the Fixx, Men Without Hats, Madonna, Oingo Boingo, Cyndi Lauper, Cure, Billy Idol, Joan Armatrading, Donna Summer, JoBoxers.
3 September 1983:
It was a Commerce Place Friday night. I ran into Kevin and we sat on the curb talking. There was a guy in a Mazda that I'd noticed earlier...He's married and gorgeous...He's a telephone worker...He kept fidgeting with his cock...the tip came out of his shorts.
"Can't even play with myself around here without getting embarrassed."
"You're not supposed to play with yourself here...You're supposed to have someone do it for you."
I slid my hand over...We eventually made it to my office...As passionate as he was, he didn't like to kiss. Everything else was wonderful; he wanted me to fuck him...he's leaving for a new job in New York tomorrow...Allen...
4 September 1983:
Now that I'm back to doing one weekly show, my radio burnout has ended.
11 September 1983:
I saw Kevin again last night. He seemed to be more interested still than I thought he was. We went out with Curtis...early 20's but he seems fresh out of high school...Redneck (works in a factory and likes to rebuild engines). He's not gorgeous but he's remarkably sexy...We're getting to know each other better. He's been around and he wants me. He might get me tomorrow night...
I'm starting to enjoy my classes. This semester I'm covering a much broader range of subject matter...Non-western Religions...Solar System Astronomy...City Politics...Abnormal Psych...Intro to Personality
12 September 1983:
Getting closer to Curtis, I think...he gave me his phone number and told me to give him a call this week...I like him a lot and I'd like to go to bed with him, but I don't know if I want anything more.
13 September 1983:
We watched TV...after a while he said "Do you want to go to the bedroom and pretend we're listening to the radio?"...I knew what was coming. I was right.
17 September 1983:
Curtis is a great guy and I see why I could fall for him so easily, but (there had to be a "but") I'm not ready to fall for anyone yet. I can't be monogamous for him -- I don't know if he wants me to. He just isn't that "special somebody"...I don't want to lead him on any further if there's no point...
I'm now a second-term Senator. Modesty prevents me from revealing the name of the top vote-getter in the field of 24.
26 September 1983:
He's really hung up on me. We talk to each other or see each other every day...His ex-wife says I have a "sexy voice"....This is starting to sound real damn serious, isn't it? What the hell am I going to do? It's got to end...
First trip to "the bar" (with Curtis): it was really a much nicer place than I'd imagined...I will go back. My nightmarish fantasies are gone...When I saw Jeff, it was like a breath of fresh air. I've never been so glad to see anyone...He has fun without all the hassles...Risa was glad to see me finally appear...A lot of other familiar faces (and former fucks).
3 October 1983:
(How I missed mentioning seeing Oingo Boingo and having Danny Elfman ride in the front seat of my car I'll never know. Pretty danged major omission...)
6 October 1983:
He keeps calling me (less and less) frequently and I never call him...Feelings of guilt. I probably treated him like shit. I probably led him on...
Meral told me she thinks I'm getting very cocky and arrogant, particularly in my role at the station...I've worked so hard on developing a friendly working relationship that I've lost a portion of my identity. It's fairly plain that I've allowed my musical taste and standards to be compromised somewhat.
19 October 1983:
I went by to see Jeff on Saturday. He's settled into a relationship...Jeff's in a similar situation to me right now; he needs to get rid o someone else. There's an interesting catch: the guy is Pete, a really intriguing guy on my Religion class. Jeff said he'd already mentioned me to Pete and that he'd do it again now. I at least have an excuse to talk to the guy now... (God help me I did...)
Kevin and I went to the Palms Friday night. A dump. (Strange how I grew fond of it...)
23 October 1983:
A year ago...I was one of the most openly gay people on the UNCG campus but I didn't know any other gay people...Basically I was scared shitless of other gay people in general...Encore ("the bar")...I managed to enter the place alone tonight... Strange...On the subject of Jeff, Pete and he have talked about me. Pete knows who I am now. Jeff warned me he was still hung up badly though. Is it worth the effort to get the guy's mind off Jeff?
28 October 1983:
I ran into Diana on Tate Street. We decided to go to the bar...Pete began talking to me...I think I really freaked him out especially since I was with Diana (also in the class) and it took him a while to loosen up. Don't know his actual reaction.
1 November 1983:
Saturday...Halloween party...I want down to Commerce...who should appear but Allen ("telephone man"). He's back in town...and he went with me on the condition that I not desert him...Talked to Michael at length..we both managed to fall for Fred last year and both realized it was a "no hope" situation...By the time we returned, Allen was making out with some chick on the couch. I later found out he also made some more serious moves on her later. Okay. Fine...Forget him.
Fleshtones on the 3rd at the Milestone in Charlotte. going with Duncan ad Ed.
11 November 1983:
WUAG Playlist. Heavy Rotation:
Blue Zoo, Burning Sensations, Comateens, Cee Farrow, Horizontal Brian, Lets Active, Lords of the New Church, Midnight Oil, November Group, Romantics, Skafish, Suburbs, Units, White Door, X
23 November 1983:
I may be starting to fall for someone at present: his name is Bruce. I met him early in the semester at the Gay/Lesbian students Association, but nothing seemed all that serious...After a few months of no perceived interest, we wound up watching "The Day After" on Sunday night at Elliott Center. We went to the SG Bar and Grill to have a drink afterward...I ran into him today before class, and he...proceeded to ask me out Saturday night...
As for academics, I'm happy...Another A in Personality. On my Religion paper, Dr. Orzech commented that it "was the best written and tightly organized paper in the class"...
Last Friday I went to the bar with Stan. I met this kind of cute guy named George from Lexington, who for all practical purposes became my first bar pickup.
27 November 1983:
Bruce: we went on a real civilized date tonight (even though we were at Encore). The night progressed farther and farther until finally we were kissing on the couch...We went back to Bruce's place afterward...and danced to Steely Dan before advancing to his room. we didn't do much. just made out.
28 November 1983:
WUAG Playlist. Heavy Rotation:
ABC, Burning Sensations, Caro, Blue Zoo, Duran Duran, Cee Farrow, Billy Idol, Little Heroes, Machinations, Midnight Oil, November Group, Rads, Suburbs, U2, Units.
30 November 1983:
Funny, I didn't think I needed anybody before Saturday night came. I was in an extremely non-committal phase.But now...damn...My concentration is totally screwed. I can't sleep well.
3 December 1983:
Am I in love? Probably not, but I'm closer than I've felt in some time...Who would've thought I'd actually run into one of the three people on earth, other than me, who is fascinated with old department stores...We're amazingly comfortable with each other; I really feel I can be myself with him...I don't know what will come of it. I won't set myself up for disappointment. If it works, it works. If it doesn't, it doesn't, and I'll move on.
4 December 1983:
Bruce: Chapel Hill...movie...lunch...but still I don't know where I stand.
8 December 1983:
(Annual John Lennon death entry...)
11 December 1983:
Genesis concert tomorrow night. Bruce and I are working security together, What a quaint date. This will actually be the first time I've been in the Coliseum since AC/DC in 1980.
20 December 1983:
It's over. The toughest most stressful exam period of my life and it's over. I survived...I've been drinking gin and tonic with Bruce all afternoon...We got together about 3:30 and just finished recently (1AM or so). Carroll would be so proud. He liked Laurie Anderson....Didn't make love.
23 December 1983:
I'm officially available again. As of tonight at 12:05 AM...We went to College Hill. I'd been in a really bad mood all night...I was starting to realize what had to be done. I was uncertain as to my position in his life and this was eating me away at me unmercifully...After a while we some how reached the subject of relationships...I begin to do what I'd needed to for some time...
"Am I wasting my time with you?'...
Finally: "Well, if you mean romance, I guess you are."
What fantastic honesty. None of this "I care about you, but..." bullshit. He knew I didn't want or need to hear it. And I actually felt so much better for having said it and gotten the whole damned thing over with. finally. it was amazing how good I felt about it. Not ashamed for speaking my mind. Not sad that he hadn't responded with a noisy "I love you." Just amazed, relieved, and even refreshed by the way he'd done it...
We talked for about 45 minutes afterward on various topics. He complimented my "guts" for doing what I'd done and I told him -- truthfully -- that it had been sheer sanity preservation. "That takes guts," he replied.
25 December 1983:
Family...Christmas...
31 December 1983:
We've reached that point once again...Question of the day: will David have a New Years Eve date? Doubtful, unless one pops up late this afternoon...This year went by so fast...
What's ahead for 1984? Primary goal is to get out of the house...A new relationship and one that works...Losing weight and getting the body in shape by summer...Get David in bed just once...Duncan's planning for me to be General Manager at the station next year. I don't want to do it (in a way) and I really want to do it (in another way)...
Good night and have a pleasant year.