Journals : 1983 : Part 3
The Soundtrack:
Violent Femmes, Lords of the New Church, REM, Lets Active, Culture Club, Bow Wow Wow, the Fixx, Men Without Hats, Oingo Boingo, Cure, David Essex.
11 April 1983:
This is my letter of intent to apply for the position of Music Director for the 1983-84 school year. I feel that I am qualified for the position and that I am the best person for the job...
15 April 1983:
Frankly I'm pissed...Last night Byron told me David had offered him the position of Music Director if he would give up on Media Board. Fine. Expected this of David. And now the unexpected: Byron wants to accept. That son of a bitch. I've listened to him talk about submission to the "frat boy clique" manipulation as if it were one of the worst of mankind's evils. Now he's ready to submit...at my expense..For the past several months, I've been doing his job while he picks up the paycheck. Who gets rewarded?
...A friend of Diana's has a friend with some problems. He's gay, he doesn't really know what to do, and his parents have found out and are giving him a real shit of a time. I talked to him for quite a while...trying to make him feel comfortable...It came out that he'd tried to kill himself over Christmas...His dad takes him into his mother's closet and says "Take your pick." His mom tells his dad "I love you, and no one else in this house."...But what the hell can he do? He can't leave home for a while...Why does it have to be this way?...If I ever met his dad, I'd want to beat the living shit out of him. What an asshole! His mom too. And his so-called "therapist". My God, these three people are the only problem this kid has.
18 April 1983:
I'm sick to death of being on a university campus where apathy reigns -- where no one will get pissed off about anything...just come to class every day, sit around long enough to get their degrees so they can be CPA's somewhere, and live for the day when they can lock themselves in a little cubbyhole of an office and pretend there's no real world outside.
2 May 1983:
Term paper due in one hour. have I started? Of course not...
I'm the new Music Director of WUAG; I was confirmed Wednesday and I officially took over yesterday (even though I've basically been doing the job for some time now.) I went through the office claiming old singles and syndicated interviews...It's amazing what's in that office...Had a bit of a spat with Byron last week.
19 May 1983:
I've almost settled into a rut. I wake up in the morning, much later than I should. I go to the station and play Music Director for a couple of hours, I coma home and eat, and then I go out and cruise the mall or Tate Street or drop by the station again. It's boring. I will not let my whole summer be like this...Quite frankly, even though I'm not close to old, I'm not getting any younger and I'm wasting precious time.
20 May 1983:
He's so afraid of coming out...He really needs a friend, someone he can trust and talk to. I try, and I was successful last Thanksgiving; a lot of him emerged that evening and I've looked at him a little bit differently ever since.
25 May 1983:
It's been nearly four days since I met someone I could easily love. His name is Mark, a 17-year-old Senior from near High Point. I met him at the mall Saturday night. I was getting on the escalator in JC Penney and he caught my eye...I knew he was interested...he sat down on a bench near Center Stage. I struck up a conversation and when I invited him to leave with me, he accepted. We went to my office. We talked for a long time before I finally put my hand on his leg...just as we got our clothes off, I heard Duncan coming down the hall. Embarrassing situation...I finally went into the studio to ask, somewhat embarrassed, if he'd steer clear of my office for a while. He agreed...After we'd finished, we stuck together, unwilling to leave the couch...this was pure magic...And who knows if I'll ever see him again?
30 May 1983:
First WUAG Playlist. Heavy Rotation:
Madness, A Flock of Seagulls, REM, Violent Femmes, Heaven 17, Fixx, David Bowie, Tears for Fears, Adam and the Ants, Mondo Montage
6 June 1983:
Currently I'm sitting in my car on some residential street near Grimsley High School. It's raining. That's why I'm here. My windshield wipers have conked out...Why won't it stop raining...Oh oh, is it lowing down?...I'm going to try to drive...There now. The corner of South God-knows-what Street and Westover Terrace. I'm at least under a street light now...I'm in the parking lot at Hardee's...10:25 now. I'd go for the nearest pay phone, but imagine me trying to get through that ridiculous Battlegroung/Lawndale intersection while holding my arm out the window drying the windshield with my ice scraper...
19 June 1983:
Home very late...I came into my house to find my dad sitting in the den in his underwear with the lights off. As I walked in, he said "Good night." Wow...what dramatic effect...I started explaining. I'd thought about calling...but I didn't want to wake him...Now he told me he wasn't upset; he just thought I should have been a little more "considerate". I get pretty damned pissed when someone accuses me of being inconsiderate when my primary motive...was consideration. He handed me this bullshit of "I'm no trying to lay a guilt trip on you." I think that when a man is sitting in the den in his underwear with the lights off, he's trying to lay SOMETHING on me...This shit has got to stop...Things are getting ridiculous. Perhaps he sees me reaching an independent age and wants to hold me back by exerting authority...The hell with it. I'm going to sleep now.
27 June 1983:
Friday night, Risa threw her first "gay party"...Bentley was there; he suggested we get together soon. John and Adolph made an appearance...if Adolph had stayed a while longer we most certainly would've wound up in bed. It was really great...
And then there's Jeff...The Limited, etc...We finally got a chance to get to know each other (after two years)...We've always gotten along just fine, but last night was different. I said as a joke to someone "We've known each other two years and we've never slept together." He chimed in "Yet."...I couldn't resist moving on to the step. It came soon. We ended up upstairs in Risa's bedroom...
Time to go home...we agreed to meet at Risa's next "get together" Sunday night and left...Tentative plans to hit Casablanca Monday night...
3 July 1983:
I talked to Jeff again tonight. He listened to most of my show...When I played "Let's Go to Bed" by the Cure, he called to ask if it was a request or "if it's for me".
16 July 1983:
I met somebody. Big deal, huh? This time was different...his name is Kevin; he's 17 and from Asheboro...I had been driving around Commerce Place and downtown and had seen him several times but had hesitated to stop...On the next go-round, he waved me over...He said he wanted to stop someplace to talk, so I suggested my office...Eventually we kissed...We didn't do much...I made him promise to call me when he comes back to town and I really think he will.
18 July 1983:
Carroll and Tim visited last night at the station, as did Steve and Ken, James, Stuart, and Peter's friend Ed...I miss Carroll a lot. And I think Ed may be starting to fall for me (and I don't know my reaction.)...He wanted to wear my "It takes balls to be a fairy" button and secretly asked me how worried I was about AIDS. (This is the first mention of AIDS anywhere in my journals...)
27 July 1983:
WUAG Playlist. Heavy Rotation:
Tony Banks, Bauhaus, Elvis Costello, The Cure, David Essex, Fun Boy 3, Greg Hawkes, Juluka, Bill Lamb, Lets Active, Men Without Hats, The Shake, Tim Scott, Pete Shelley, Talking Heads, Yaz, Attack of the Killer B's
7 August 1983:
I've gone no farther with Jeff...we're simply good friends now. We went to see REM in Winston Salem together (and I finally met Mitch Easter) but I didn't spend much time with Jeff. (I met my long-term ex-roommate Dan at this very same show...) ...I also got to see the Violent Femmes. Excellent, as expected...My dad has a job. After five years...I'll be 19 on Wednesday. Big deal. Classes start in two weeks. Bigger deal. I start getting full pay in three weeks. Better deal.
25 August 1983:
Playlist. Heavy Rotation:
Altered Images, Bauman, Big Country, Bongos, Elvis Costello, The Cure, Howard DeVoto, Nena, Oingo Boingo, Graham Parker, The Source, Translator, Tom Tom Club, Yaz
27 August 1983:
Byron is now upset with me too. He was dismissed by David because of "tension" at the station...It all started with a very heated argument between him and Duncan, which I heard. Byron simply does cause tension. He's always late and he irritates nearly all the staff...Basically he's not good fort the station and the station's not good for him...School's back; things are getting tense...Maybe it was too much for Susan: Carroll told me today she'd decide not to come back. I'll miss her...
31 August 1983:
David made an interesting admission to me this evening. "I've got something to tell you." he said. He was stoned...I had a sneaking suspicion what was coming...
"You robbed some bank? You screwed some guy?"
"Not quite. Close..."
"Some gut screwed you? You participated in oral sex?"
"I was given."
"Anyone we know?" He shook his head. "Did you enjoy it?"
"It was strange. I can't say I didn't enjoy it, but it was strange. Anyway, I thought I should tell you that I've had that first homosexual experience..."
"Does that mean I get to be next?", I asked.