May I always:

• Seek out the things that make me happy.
• Avoid the things that make me unhappy.
• Have the common sense to recognize the fucking difference.

Thank you.

Happy, full of schnitzel, and ready for a three-day weekend. I was to finally able to make some significant progress on a project that’s been causing me much stress at work this week. The side effects of my new medication have largely subsided. I have a great birthday present from Sarah to watch. And I have very few pressing commitments. I may even take some time to work on the other site. Looks like the makings of a good holiday weekend.

To say that the last three years have been really tough on me would be a pretty colossal understatement. Don’t believe me? Try losing three of the most important people in your life (two of them are technically still around but in a much altered format) while simultaneously trying to build a new career and pretty much rewrite all the rules of your life. It’s not easy. There were many times–more than I let on even to my closest friends–when my thoughts got pretty fucking dark.

I probably should have sought help earlier than I did. In retrospect, though, I think I handled it all pretty goddamned well. Did I spend a lot of nights curled up in a little ball on the couch barely able to move? Yes. Were there entire weekends when I felt completely paralyzed by everything I needed to do and instead just ate pizza and watched “Adam-12” reruns on Netflix? Damn straight. Was I incredibly angry and resentful about how my life had been so negatively impacted by other people, all of whom I loved but none of whom had given me any say in the matter? Oh yeah. In fact, I still am sometimes.

But you know what?

• I could have lost my sense of humor. Somehow, I didn’t.
• I could have gotten really self-destructive and lapsed into all sorts of bad habits and really stupid behavior. Somehow, I didn’t.
• I could have just given up and said “the hell with it.” Somehow, I didn’t.

All of which makes me realize that I’m pretty fucking incredible and pretty fucking sane–at least in relative terms. I somehow managed to do some incredible things at work, to begin eating healthier and lose weight, to find some new things that make me happy, and to reconnect with some old friends. I still wouldn’t say I’m especially happy. I continue to feel a little overwhelmed by life. The next steps for me involve letting go of the past, finding more things that make me happy, eliminating things that make me unhappy, understanding my strengths and limitations, and regaining control. Oh yeah…and seeking help when needed.

Or that’s this week’s plan, at least.

So the slashed tire was a drag, but the reaction of the guy at the tire dealership (which will remain nameless because I think he sort of broke the rules for me and I don’t want to get hm in trouble) was really great. He replaced my two-week-old tire at no charge even though the road hazard warranty really doesn’t cover idiots with knives. Points for both good customer service and being a generally nice guy.

And then when I got home today, I found a note from the guy who’s working on my bathrooms. On top of that note was my mom’s engagement ring, which we’d been looking for since she went into the nursing home. He found it in a floor crack in the bathroom where I’m guessing my mom had probably hidden it and then forgotten about it. Points for being incredibly honest.

Decent people. What a concept…

I just want to say that I’ve had enough doctors and contractors to last a lifetime this summer. And for the record, there’s no big health issue; both the doctors and the contractors are primarily handling assorted deferred maintenance, and I really rather like all the new practitioners I’ve added to the mix. I’m just tired of keeping up with so fucking many appointments.

Unrelated: Lovely time in DC last weekend. Film at 11.