Journals : 1986
Introduction:
Keywords are motion and relocation. I spent a lot less time writing in 1986, maybe because I spent so much time driving and moving.
Editorial comments in grey.
SOME NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED.
The Soundtrack:
Simply Red, Pet Shop Boys, Depeche Mode, REM, Baltimora, Peter Gabriel, Tears for Fears, Simple Minds, Boys Don't Cry, David and David, Dead or Alive, Wang Chung, Robbie Nevil, Bangles.
13 January 1986:
Nothing new to write...Nothing ever seems to change anymore. No new adventures. Nothing different...I'm just biding time day by day, waiting for something to happen.
21 February 1986:
Last weekend brought a trip to Charlotte for Jeff and me...We hit Scorpio...My membership came through although I'm not yet living in Charlotte. It turned out to be fairly cruisy and moderately intoxicated evening. I ended up dropping Jeff off at our motel room and driving to south Charlotte to trick with some boy named Ricky...For the next week or so I felt like death warmed over...I'll assume it was the flu and not the sex. Then again, it could have been a curse placed on me by Jeff when I was fortunate enough to trick and he wasn't...
Lately I've spent an awful lot of time with this guy named Eddie (a different guy named Eddie) ...I've been intrigued with him for months and months...A few reciprocal looks here and there. I still wanted him even though everyone I know disliked him and warned me against him. Oh well. We finally met Monday night...I drove him home...One thing led, etc...Thursday night...he did make it clear that he wanted to spend more time with me. So we did...I've spent two nights this week in that house...I like the guy. I've upgraded him from "trick" to "current occasional fuck"...Jeff can't stand him but doesn't have a nasty word to say.
23 February 1986:
OK, I'm starting to get a little more attached to Eddie than I'd initially planned on...He keeps on being there and I find that I don't mind at all...This is starting to develop into an affair...No one seems to be happy about this, other than me and -- it seems -- Eddie...I don't know how well I'd deal with an affair that my closest friends are not overly pleased with...He's just another uncircumcised white boy and I can't figure out why he grates on so many nerves.
15 March 1986:
My job is starting to bore me to tears...Quality is getting worse and the customers are more and more becoming hateful, ignorant rednecks...Eddie and I have ceased to be anything; we don't even talk anymore...I ran into Timmy (orphanage boy) on Commerce...He's "living on the streets trying to make some money" now, so he said...Jeff and I both got picked up at the Last Act Tuesday night, by the same guy...Not even really worth mentioning except that the guy fell off the bed and got real bloody...Tonight, it's depressing music, jerk off, and go to bed. Since I'd end up doing the same thing even if I did go out, I figured I'd save some money...I might inherit my own store soon if Jeff gets a job with the post office or Angie moves to Long Beach.
14 April 1986:
I was correct in my assumptions about inheriting a store, but I was dead wrong about the circumstances...In a another Cheap Joe scandal, I became manager at Carolina Circle...Jeff and I switched stores and jobs...I hate the way I got the job. Luckily, things didn't get strained between Jeff and me...
I had one of the more unusual run-ins of my life last Sunday at the bar. Damian, Anne's live-in boyfriend was there...I've always gotten strange vibes from him...I walked up to say hello.
"You really should catch me when I'm not with someone."
"Is that a hint?"
"Yeah. Definitely."
Later he said he'd been hinting at me for as long as I'd been suspecting that he had, and that he wanted to get together soon...
This weekend brought the Bangles and Hoodoo Gurus in Boone...Jeff backed out right as we should have been leaving. I was thoroughly pissed...Enter Duncan. Fantastic show...
And tonight, we launched a full-scale air attack on Libya. (A minor point, after such a day...)
21 April 1986:
Met someone...Darren. He's 20, I think, and at UNCG...Talking...talking...talking...back to his apartment...one thing led to another...Some of the magic wore off as we spent our second evening together. Darren's another classic theater major...I don't feel it's going to be a long-term relationship.
29 April 1986:
How much do I love working for a company where I come home on a Monday night to find a note from the president of the company telling me to make an urgent call to his beach house between 9 and 10 the next morning. Mom said she thought he mentioned something about me working in another store.
11 May 1986:
I'm now "living" in Myrtle Beach. At Joe's house, of all the incredible absurdities.This quick business trip (to manage the brand new Surfer's Exchange)...is threatening to become a semi-permanent arrangement...It's actually quite strange being down here talking to Joe while we watch TV. Only in this company would a store manager sit around watching Ted Koppell with the president...Monday night I ran into Chad and his roommate Lori from Greensboro; they're living here now...Joe has suggested that I start looking around for places to live, but it's still pretty vague...It's expensive down here. 85 cents for a gallon of gas bothers me.
25 May 1986:
Looks as if David is staying in Myrtle Beach. Yesterday, I found the apartment...I miss Jeff and Duncan and all a lot...As of tonight, Jeff is no longer employed by Texas Brands...Darren, I assume, is pretty much history...Damian called me. we met for a drink at XTC...He wants me quite badly...good night kiss...guilt...Tim wants to come down here and live with me...He wouldn't be so bad, but his "coming out traumas" might get on my nerves...I finally ran into Rodney (from 1985 beach trip). No thrills...He said he'd call me, he didn't, and I let it bother me about half an hour...
Reid from Greensboro...I ran into him at Offshore Thursday and we've spent a lot of time together since. The first night, we talked and went for a walk on the beach. After that, we ran into each other nearly every night and stayed together...I just so happened I had Joe's house to myself, so back we came after a long philosophical conversation...Sex...We speak only briefly now. Classic brush off. Maybe he wasn't the one.
Shane...part timer at Surfer's Exchange. 18 and about to graduate. Too trendy for words. A quite obvious fag, although we've yet to reveal ourselves to each other...I know he's gay. I know I want him a whole lot.
28 May 1986:
Found an apartment. Tim is all but packed up and living here.
23 June 1986:
Reflective. The best word to describe my state of mind this evening...somewhere between depressed, comfortable, and bittersweet...It helped that I talked to Paul last night and was comfortable talking to him for the first time in about a year. After two years, I think I'm finally at peace with 1984...I've finally accepted responsibility for my life...Duncan is bringing Damian down here Friday and he tells me it was Damian's idea. This should make for an interesting weekend, but where will Damian sleep?...Tonight, I finally met up wit someone...Ben, 17, looks 20.
7 July 1986:
Art's first visit to my new home in Myrtle Beach turned out to be much more memorable than I had anticipated...He arrived Friday afternoon.Conversation came slowly as we'd been out of contact for the better part of a year...but it became easier...I was going crazy wondering what might happen at bedtime...We slept close, constantly touching, but we slept. Until morning. We were still close enough that a move was almost inevitable. It finally came. I'm not certain how it came, but it was one of the most wonderful feelings of my life...What did it all mean? Unfortunately, I'm still not certain...
By way of update. my "hell weekend" with Damian ended a week ago. Damian tried to wimp out and then tried to bring his new girlfriend. I said no, simply because that would've put my guest count at five...Finally they arrived. Damian and I had sex Friday night; I saw how insane (not in a good way) he was Saturday night. He slept on the couch. Case most likely closed.
18 July 1986:
Art: Something about the two of us talking to each other on the phone, in the middle of the night, in dark rooms, caused words to flow: about how much he'd enjoyed his visit, how much we missed each other, how much we wanted to see each other, how soon this would have to happen, etc. We discussed dreaming about each other, being next to each other in bed, everything. I almost couldn't sleep...
21 July 1986:
We talked Friday night for an hour. We talked Saturday afternoon for half an hour, and then Saturday night for an hour and a half. The same tonight...I still don't know what he wants -- a friend, a lover, or what. I do sense that he's the type that falls for his friends.
26 August 1986:
I received word that I'll be working in Columbia this weekend, Greensboro next week, back here the week after to close down the junk store in Surfside, and then it's on to my new home: Charlotte. So very soon it's goodbye to Myrtle Beach...As much as I've never been thrilled with Myrtle Beach, I'm going to miss it. After all, it was my first home way from home.
17 September 1986:
Columbia was wonderful...Greensboro, on the other hand, was unusual. Spending ten days in my old home wore my nerves...I came away realizing that I don't miss it at all...I got to play DJ at XTC...I'm back at the beach. I'm leaving tomorrow.
26 September 1986:
Another week, another address change...I've got a nice place in Charlotte: a one-bedroom for $230 a month. It's in Elizabeth, kind of a cool older neighborhood, even though my building is 1965 vintage.
4 November 1986:
We're in the midst of fall now...I don't have my beloved ocean only a few blocks away...After all this time, I still don't really know anyone in this town. My visits to the bars have produced basically no results, even as far as friendship goes. The last time I had sex was...at the beach...I'm learning the joy of spending time at home alone. Cash flow hasn't been that spectacular...I'm actually living on my own. I can sit around in my brand new underwear and nothing else if I want to.
Letter from Jeff: "Duncan's getting better. Did I tell you who his new roommate is gonna be? Damian!"
26 November 1986:
Letter from Art: "I am moving out of Raleighwood...Mecca = Richmond, VA...Virginia Commonwealth University...Yes, I am, as always, missing sex very much."
18 December 1986:
I'm tired of being in this "wonderful big city"...with no one to do anything with...It's not that I'm depressed. I'm not...I love being by myself here. I've always wanted time to myself and I've always known what to do with it...but I've been doing too much of it.