God and Snot

Is the following hilarious tidbit about pious mechanical mammals taken from The Onion, or from a major metropolitan daily newspaper? You be the judge:

Take Sally Ledford of Columbus, Ohio. “I just started crying when I came in here and saw the Scripture (on the trusses),” she said.

She even liked the museum’s animatronic cow, which looks real and quotes from the Bible, too.

“I just love to hear an animal praise the Lord and use Scripture.”

If you guessed “major metropolitan daily newspaper”, you’d be right.

Aa s side note, why is the word “scripture” capitalized here? The tendency of local newspapers to capitalize any pronoun referring to “God” really annoys me, but I could still understand capitalizing “Bible”, or maybe even “The Holy Scriptures” because they could be seen as book titles. Is it necessary, though, to capitalize the mere word “scripture”?

If I worked for the Observer and I were writing story about God blowing “His” nose, would I have to capitalize the word “handkerchief” every time I used it? How about “snot”?