How Do People Find Anything?

It’s no wonder so many people get so frustrated trying to find information online. They just can’t spell, which is a big problem in a text-based environment.

I’m not talking about typos (for which I’m famous) here; typos aren’t generally searched over and over in a short period of time. It’s particularly true of those people looking for smut. Searches for “masterbation”, “anyl sex”, and “nippel” are particularly noteworthy this month, just because I get such a clear picture of some salivating idiot sitting there typing them with one hand, getting more and more excited looking at that misspelled dirty word. He’s no doubt masterbating or fingering his anys with the other hand.

The lost souls who think everything online must be spelled as one word (just like email domain names) are fun too. I bet there’s not a single page on this site which contains the words “gaysexgalleries” or “southofmarketsexclubs” or even “pussylickinglesbianpix”.

And just how does someone get to this site thinking I have pictures of lesbians engaged in cunnilingus anyway? Not that there’s anything wrong with said activity, but the sight thereof doesn’t generally get my ‘nads racing since I’m neither a dyke nor a straight guy.

On the other hand, those of you who searched for things like “grits” and “safeway” and “brain-dead yuppie scum” have my eternal respect. You get it. Your typos are forgiven.

Lastly, to the flaming morons who keep searching for “young boy nude” and “naked children” over and over again, I regret to inform you that the only young child in any sort of nude pose on this site is me, circa 1967. It’s a cute picture, but I covered my one-inch weenie with my hands, even though it was probably not even erect at the time. Not what you were looking for, huh?

Yes, I’ve covered today’s topic before, but I have a brand new search engine, and very little imagination this week. Maybe next time I’ll tackle the people who don’t realize that email is allowed to have multiple paragraphs with actual space between them and entire words instead of just abbreviations and shorthand.

Pictures of the birthday bash coming soon. I promise. We were all clothed and over 21. Sorry…

Search Engine

If you find yourself bored today, check out the new search engine I’ve added, which should offer better performance for you and fewer hassles for me. I’ll miss the old one which I had to configure using Pico via Telnet, but I think I’ll get over it…

Thanks

Birthday bash was low-key, but entertaining. Pictures and more coming soon. Thanks to everyone who came and to everyone who sent greetings and cards…

Upon Hitting Age 36

Realizations upon hitting age 36:

Any email message which states “this is not spam” invariably is.
Most people will never realize that the same logic which states “Windows is the most popular operating system, therefore it’s the best” would also suggest that McDonald’s is the most fabulous restaurant in the world.
I will probably never do anything which will get me in the history books and I’m probably glad.
I will probably never have a live-in boyfriend and I’m definitely glad.
There are approximately five other people on the planet who share my fascination with old supermarkets and I’ve probably spoken with at least four of them already.
San Francisco will never again seem as exciting to me as it did in 1992 or even 1996.
Los Angeles is not really such a bad place.
Neither is Richmond, Virginia.
I still like Chicago and Detroit better.
There will always be yuppies, no matter what the currently fashionable term. They will always be annoying. And they will always be an easy target.
I will probably not wake up this morning to find a 21-inch monitor has mysteriously appeared on my doorstep and just as mysteriously has managed not to be stolen.
I do not get tired of The Simpsons no matter how many times I’ve seen each and every episode. And I’ve seen them all very many times.
I cannot say the same thing about “Third Rock from the Sun”.
I will always feel just a little insecure and just a tad melancholy right around my birthday.
Not to mention just a touch self-indulgent.

Birthday bash tonight at Tad’s Steaks on Powell Street. We get in the $8.59 steak line at 8PM.

Find Me an 18-Year-Old

It’s quite important that I find an 18-year-old to have sex with on my birthday tomorrow. You see, I’m turning 36, and I’ve become just a little obsessed with the idea that it will finally be legal (in California) for me to do the nasty with someone half my age. So if you’re 18 and willing, please show up at Thursday’s birthday bash.

You don’t have to do much, just enough so that it would have been illegal if I were 34 and you were 17. Or even if we were both 60 in North Carolina or about 20 other states.

A skateboard is optional, but it might result in a bonus…