Here’s my take on it (or at least on the “controversy”): a relationship is defined as an interaction between two or more people. One very simple rule applies: the people involved are the only ones who get to make the rules. Their families and friends do not get a vote, nor do “the gay community” or “society”. You’d think that would be pretty basic, given that the whole homosexual rights movement is based on that simple idea. But no…
Those who say “monogamous relationships can’t work, ever” and those who say “open relationships can’t work, ever” are equally misguided on some level. First and foremost, what gives these observers the right to make any presumption whatsoever about someone ELSE’S relationship? A relationship is like eating dinner; the meaning and circumstances are determined by those engaged in the activity. How seriously would anyone take me if I said that eating alone in a restaurant (or eating while wearing a blue shirt) is the wrong thing to do in every case?
Yes, it’s true that some types of relationships may be statistically more likely to survive long-term. Which means nothing other than that more individuals fall into a personality type which might lead them to be most comfortable in those sorts of relationships…
And it’s true that some types of relationships are generally doomed from the start. Which means nothing other than that the individuals involved probably should have communicated more efficiently or spent more time analyzing the situation (and each other) from the onset…
Individuals have the sole right (and responsibility) to define their relationships. If Mark and I want to be monogamous or polygamous, or to be asexual, or to be stereophonic or quadrophonic or quadraplegic, or even to engage in romantic rituals involving penguin droppings, it’s nobody’s goddamned business but our own. And no one but us can say for certain if it’s the right way for us to conduct our relationship. Except maybe for the penguin…
This is true no matter how badly they may want to bring up assorted self-righteous nonsense about “aping heterosexual marriage” or about “self-indulgence” and “trampiness”. The point is that there are as many types of realtionships as there are types of people involved in them, and to make blanket statements about such an individualized and dynamically-defined a condition as “being in a relationship” is pointless and silly…
