Wow. A “Father Knows Best” marathon on TV Land…
I’m 12 or 13 years old, and I’m home sick from school. I’m eating cereal and watching Father Knows Best and Dennis the Menace and Hazel on channel 36. Yeah, we have cable, so I can watch stations all the way from Charlotte, 90 miles away. Cool, huh? Once those shows are over, and my only choices are bad movies and soap operas, I’ll probably spend the rest of the day dragging out the Sears catalog and my dad’s dirty magazines, looking for anything resembling revealing pictures of guys…
I’ll read those “letters” in Penthouse and try to figure out how actual sex works (and not quite understand the concept, or so it seems when I look back at some of the dirty stories I wrote back then), and sometimes I’ll even find a picture of a girl which does it for me…
It’ll get messy and I’ll be a little sore by late afternoon when I have to think about preparing the house for my returning parents. I’ll be thoroughly engrossed in a Partridge Family rerun on channel 8 when they arrive. And pretending I’m still sick so I can do it again tomorrow…
Yup. A “Father Knows Best” marathon on TV Land. Not to mention yet another reference to masturbation within a single week…
Aside from the above, I’m also reminded that I need to get my dad a Father’s Day present tomorrow…
