I got a letter from Jesus in the mail today.

Actually, it wasn’t from Jesus himself. It was from a group of his close friends who were privy to the fact that he would be visiting my home in the next few days. They’ve offered me the chance to sow seeds for my eventual celestial harvest. These seeds can be sown for as little as five dollars.

All I need to do is place the enclosed purple enevlope under my pillow overnight and then return it to these nice folks in Oklahoma along with my check.

Very soon, I’m told, God will return my seed offering in a most unusual way.

They also enclosed a nice purple and gold piece of cloth. I’m not sure what it’s for. Maybe I’m supposed to use it to wipe up my seed after its sown. I usually use a Kleenex or an old towel. Could be worth a try, though. I need a change of pace.